alone. scared. failure. lost. heartbroken. stressed. these are the only feelings that i feel now.
in the last couple of months, i have developed the most over-whelming sense of feminism. i’ve always been a bit of a feminist, but not quite this strong. i’m currently at a point where i know i don’t need a boyfriend/partner in my life, i will stick up for myself and/or another person if i feel that someone else is attacking that persons well-being. for crying out loud: i got into a very heated discussion with a colleague not long ago about abortions, and how passionate & for them i am. not because i don’t like children, but because i think a woman should have control over what happens with her body. i don’t allow men to pay for me all of the time, and quite often i offer to pay the whole bill. i’ve gone well off-track now, but you get it. i’m a feminist.
the problem now is that i’ve spent so much time building up this sense of confidence, and finding strength with-in myself, that i now feel alone. i have my family and they’re amazing, but i don’t have anyone else.
my ex-boyfriend couldn’t quite grasp the fact that i had become very independent: so he called me a selfish bitch and walked out. i’m not selfish, but i do stick up for myself, my god. i’m now scared though. i can’t afford to move out of home on my own, and there is no way that i can flat with other people. my plan was to move out of home with my boyfriend. i know that i could not stay with him any longer: the relationship was unhealthy. but i don’t know how to support myself financially in the way that i need on my own.
i’m in my early-early twenties, i don’t go out partying, or have a friend-group. i don’t really know how i’m going to meet new people, or find a new boyfriend. this always comes back to boys/men doesn’t it…